7 Things I've Learned Recently #4

Being back in the East Coast was awesome. I had a three-week "vacation" from my new life, so I'm using that as an excuse to my blogging absence. It's been a month since I wrote my last 7 Things I've Learned Recently. Anyways, here's the latest list of random crap I've learned recently.

-Spielberg vs Lucas - This is technically cheating since I learned this one a while ago, but it's a good one. Back in the 70s, George Lucas thought that Star Wars was going to be a huge flop after the studio changed the original story quite a bit. Incensed over what he knew would be a disaster for the studio and his legacy, Lucas made a friendly wager with established movie director Steven Spielberg.
 This is basically what happened:

Lucas: "OMG Steve, your movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind is gonna be so much better than mine."

Spielberg: "No way, Star Wars is gonna be huge."

 "Oh yeah? Wanna make a bet?"
Sure. How about this: I'll give you 2.5% of whatever Close Encounters makes and you give me 2.5% of whatever Star Wars makes.
Pff, ok. You must be nuts. Deal!

Long story short, it's estimated that Spielberg has made over $45 million thanks to this bet.

-Paula Deen is more popular than MLK (and Honey Boo Boo) - Soon after Paula Deen's highly-publicized use of the 'n' word in public, a poll was conducted among Georgia Republicans to gauge their opinion on Paula Deen and Martin Luther King Jr. And yes, Paula Deen won. I'm not saying she's necessarily a bad person--she made a very emotional public apology after the incident. Nevertheless, she shouldn't be winning a popularity contest over MLK considering the circumstances (or even before the incident for that matter).

On a separate note, Honey Boo Boo was also part of the poll and pretty much everyone had negative things to say about her. Make of that what you will.

-Sequels, sequels, sequels - Hollywood is really getting out of hand with the absurd amount of sequels and movie combos (movies that combine several franchises into one like The Avengers) it's releasing in an attempt to make money. Just look at some of the movies that are scheduled to come out in 2015:

• The Avengers: Age of Ultron
• Batman vs. Superman
• Finding Dory (Finding Nemo sequel)
•  Star Wars: Episode VII
• The Hunger Games 2 or whatever it's called
• Snow White and the Huntsman 2 (for real?)
• Bond 24
• Justice League
• Pirates of the Caribbean 5
• Bad Boys 3
• Terminator 5
• Jurassic Park 4
• Kung Fu Panda 3
• The Smurfs 3
• Alvin and the Chipmunks 4
• Mission Impossible: 5
• Prometheus 2 
• etc.......................

Braveheart 2: We wear suits now. Herp dee derp.

-New form of weight loss - There's a new surgery that for people trying to lose weight that only costs $2000! What is it? It's called tongue-patch surgery and it's a reversible procedure where they slice open the surface of your tongue and install a patch there. The patch basically makes it extremely painful for you to eat solids because chewing becomes impossible with that thing. On the bright side, you can still eat yogurt and liquids and you'll lose a ton of weight so check it out. It's not crazy or anything.

PS: It may impair speech for 48 hours.

-The U.S. government can read your old emails - It's totally legal for the government to read emails that are 180 days old or older regardless of their content. The law was passed before everyone had an email account back in 1986, but it continues to exist now. So yeah, think about that every time you send an e-mail.

-Charge your phone or car in seconds - There could be smartphone and electric car batteries in the  near future that can be charged a hundred or even a thousand times faster than you can now. Scientists are working on creating these super-batteries right now which are made of graphene--a thick, crystallized carbon that is light, strong, and a great conductor of electricity.

-Testicle-eating fish - There's a fish from the same family as piranhas called Pacu and they love balls. Apparently they like to bite human testicles and some people call them 'ball-cutters'. They're mainly located in the Amazon, the Orinoco and the south coast of Sweden so yeah, don't say I didn't warn you.

Also, Teddy Roosevelt loved to eat pacu. He said that they were "good-sized" and their taste is "delicious." I wonder if pacus feel the same way when they see a guy swimming around the Amazon.

7 Things I've Learned Recently #3

Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you all for your continued support. Since I really enjoy writing my new "7 Things I've Learned Recently" series and you guys seem to like it, I figured I'd stick with it. Check out the first two if you haven't already. Thanks!

-Drinkware that detects drugs - A company called DrinkSavvy created drinkware that can detect roofies and other rape drugs. This is one of the coolest new things of 2013 and bars/clubs/social events everywhere should start using these cups, glasses, straws, and stirrers to show their commitment to fighting sexual assault. In case you're wondering how you can tell whether or not there might be something in your drink, check out this image. Pretty self-explanatory.

-Dress for the job you want, not the job you have - Ah, the old adage. I don't agree with it entirely, but it is a great piece of advice--especially for criminals.  Some guy committed a robbery in Spokane, WA (where I'm flying out of today, woo!) recently and they didn't manage to catch him... at first. Long story short, cops found security footage and saw a tattoo on the side of his neck. And what did it have? His name. So yeah, you can probably figure out how easy it was to catch him after that.

I would never encourage anyone to become a felon, but if you feel compelled to to commit crimes, make sure you don't tattoo your name on the side of your neck. 

-Clap-off bra - I don't know what it's like to walk around all day wearing a bra but I understand it can be pretty constricting? Anyways, someone just made a bra that you can take off by simply clapping. All in all, this is a cool concept, but is it really a wise idea? Just think about what would happen at the end of a classy concert or a wedding ceremony if these became popular. 

-If you're scared of spiders... - Well, just read this. Thanks Cracked and thanks spiders! You're awesome.

-You can be naked in Barcelona, but not half-naked - My friend Angel studied in Barcelona +for a year and he told me that apparently it's illegal to be half-naked (shirtless) in public in the streets of Barcelona. However, due to some technicality, it's totally legal to be completely naked in public and Angel even saw a man who would often be seen riding his bike naked.

-Where did the huddle come from? - Yes, I'm talking about when football players gather around in a circle and fire each other up and go over a play. Well back in 1892, Gallaudet University had a player who was deaf, meaning that other players were only able to communicate with him through hand signals. Noticing that players from the opposing team could read these signals, the Gallaudet squad "huddled" in a circle to hide their hand signals from the other team. And now football and cricket players everywhere do it too!

-Mind-controlled cybernetic limbs - The future looks bright for amputees as mind-controlled prosthetic limbs will be available sometime in the near future. It's one of the coolest technological advancements I've heard in a while, and hopefully it will improve the quality of life of amputees. You can complain as much as you want, but technology's awesome. It really is.

7 More Things I've Learned Recently

Check out last week's edition of random crap I've learned recently if you haven't already. Since it was my most viewed blog post, I decided to do another one.

-The cigarette lighter was invented before the match - Woah, really? That's pretty cool. Wait, so why did they even bother making matches? I thought the whole point of technology was to make life easier and safer for people. During my 8th or 9th birthday, my mom was trying to light the candles of my cake, and the head of a match went flying to my chest as she tried to ignite the match. A cigarette lighter just seems smarter. Anyways...

 -Following the Pope on Twitter gets you closer to heaven - So...yeah. Apparently following the Pope on Twitter reduces your waiting time in purgatory. You still have to prey and confess your sins, but Twitter is the key to seeing God's light in a timely fashion.

-Muirfield doesn't allow women to join - In case you don't know, Muirfield is where the 2013 edition of one of golf's four big tournaments, The Open, took place, and apparently they don't allow women to join as members. It's been around since the 19th century but it's 2013. Why haven't they changed their policies?

-I look like someone who likes comedies - I finally got around to opening a bank account in Idaho, and my personal banker scanned me and said I look like someone who likes to watch comedies. This guy claims that I could be a character in the Hangover and American Pie movies. Good to know.

-60 percent of NBA players go broke after 5 years - I'd feel bad for them... but all this does is make me laugh. Seriously, if someone's making over $400,000 a year (the best players make gazillions), I would've imagined that they would hire a financial adviser or maybe, oh I don't know, use common sense?

-Rebecca Black was born... - on a Saturday. Yup, now you know.

-It's truly amazing what the human body is capable of - Seriously, we're so full of potential. It's unbelievable what we can achieve if we put our minds to it. If you ever feel like you're just a spec in the microcosm who's incapable of achieving anything, just remember this.

PS: Please don't figure out a way to do this. I just wanted to let you know how awesome you can be.

7 Things I've Learned Recently

Since I've been short on ideas lately, I felt like an educational post would work as a crutch until I can find something more substantial to write about. Anyways, here's some random crap I've learned in the last few months or so.

-Pork chops are serious business: Late last year, some dude in Florida killed his roommate over pork chops. Yeah, apparently using 3 tablespoons of garlic is way too much and anyone who uses more than 2 should be shot to death. The economy's hitting some of us harder than others.

-Marshmallows soothe sore throats: They may look like large, white cubes of fluff, the sap from marshmallow plants can reduce throat soreness during a cold. There's no hard evidence to back up this fact, but apparently the soft, gelatinous texture of marshmallows is very appeasing to the throat.

-Mexico is fatter than us now: Yes, apparently Mexico has overtaken the US as the fattest country in America. I'm not exactly sure how this is even possible, but maybe people are starting to realize that a) tacos are awesome, and b) McDonald's buns taste like cardboard.

They do have good fries...

-I'm the only person who runs in Idaho: I like to go on runs around campus because the weather here is beautiful, but instead of seeing a campus full of runners during the summertime, I see flocks of competitive cyclists at every corner.

-Wet paper towels are the perfect way to cool your beers/sodas: Seriously, just try it. Soak a paper towel with tap water, wrap it around a can or bottle of your favorite beverage, and stick in the freezer for 15 minutes. It'll be ice cold after that, I promise.

-Kangaroos think pillows are their mommies: Even though kangaroos aren't domestic animals, some people keep baby kangaroos as pets in Australia. And if there's one thing I know about kangaroos, it's that the adults have pouches, and the youngins jump into that pouch to sleep. Since people who have them as pets don't have pouches, they nail a pillow case to a wall, and kangaroos jump inside the pillow case when it's bedtime.

And this is what their parents do.

-Iceland lacks diversity...badly: I don't mean in size--I mean in population. They only have 300,000+ people, but they have some serious problems when it comes to dating. The Islendiga-App was created as a cool way to find out whether or not someone else in Iceland is a distant relative of yours. Even though it was simply created as a way to expand one's family tree, most Icelanders have been using it to...umm...avoid incest. So yeah, if you're in Iceland and you're reading this, just make sure you take your phone or tablet to the bar with you.

Why Sometimes You Just Need to People the F*** Alone

No, I'm not talking about blonde transvestite and YouTube sensation Chris Crocker's emotional rant on why you should get off Britney's back, but the sentiment's the same.

I'm talking about Jani Lane, former frontman of Warrant who wrote some good music and then some not-so-good music. See, Warrant was one of the big players of glam metal in the 80s, a genre that represented all the decadence of rock music portrayed in the worst neon-pink light in the world. It was a parody of rock and roll that served only to show how cool the drugs, booze, girls, and money were in the industry (see second half of the 80s records by Motley Crue, Poison, Ratt, Whitesnake, Cinderella, etc.).

The musicians in a lot of these bands actually started out as decent musicians who wanted to rock out, but just like the boy bands in the 90s, hip hop in the 2000s, and pre-pubescent teenage heartthrobs in the 2010s, 80s metal eventually became, as Twisted Sister's Dee Snider said, "processed (and) refined", and basically a huge fucking joke created to appeal a wasted youth that fed on catchy guitar riffs, long hair, hair dye, leather pants, no shirts, overloads of makeup, formulaic ballads, and a plethora of sexual innuendos (I promise this isn't just a rant against 80s metal--I'm coming back to Jani Lane in a second).

Although it's easy to point fingers at the faces in these music videos, a lot of these musicians had record deals that kept them on the hook with these labels that pressured them to change their style radically, or simply write songs that adopted this glam sound that wasn't very glamorous. As a result of this musical renaissance, there was no shortage of crappy and suggestive songs that hit the radio such as Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me", Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls", and Warrant's "Cherry Pie".

In case you haven't seen it, here's a link to the "Cherry Pie" video (you might have to watch 7 ads beforehand. Just FYI).

In case you don't wanna see it, it's essentially a song that uses a cherry pie as a symbol for a vagina, and in case it isn't obvious, a slice of cherry pie falls right in between a woman's legs. They're essentially spoon-feeding you this piece of information. Bad jokes aside and long story short, Warrant finished writing an album called "Uncle Tom's Cabin"(no relation to the book or slavery) in 1989 named after the main single in the album. Pretty standard, right?

Well, the record head decided that they didn't have a provocative song with a pop sound that would result in  a mega-hit, so Warrant frontman Jani Lane wrote Cherry Pie to appease him. Instead of summarizing the repercussions of this record, I'll just quote Lane directly from a 2009 VH1 interview:

All of a sudden, the album's called Cherry Pie, the record's called Cherry Pie, I'm doing cherry pie-eating contests, the single's Cherry Pie...and my legacy's Cherry Pie. Everything about me is Cherry Pie. I'm the Cherry Pie guy. I could shoot myself in the fucking head for writing that song.

Now you could point at the fact that it was all his creation, but the history of how record labels squeezed rock bands in the 80s would beg to differ. And Cherry Pie simply became such a huge phenomenon, that everything about Lane's life would revolve around that song, and the only people to blame are the media and the people who see him as only that--a product, not a person.

Now why did I share all of this with you? Well, many former 80s glam rockers are now middle-aged, overweight alcoholics struggling to make a living (see Bret Michaels and the 36 seasons of his dating show). But Lane is the one that stuck out to me because his name popped into my head two days ago. That VH1 interview stuck with me, and I did a quick Google search to see whatever happened to him. I was both shocked and not surprised at all that he died in 2011 of acute alcohol poisoning by himself. He drank himself to death.

I'm not sure whether or not it was suicide, but one can easily conclude that Cherry Pie led to all this. It made him a bitter, jaded, and depressed alcoholic who was deprived of his sense of self through this movement. After I read this, I said "well, at least he won't have to be the poster boy for cherry pies everywhere anymore, right?"

Wrong. There's an upcoming biopic on him coming out soon called Cherry Pie Guy. At the very least, I hope that this movie ends up stressing a similar point to mine on this post. Nah, it'll probably just be this for two hours.

Confessions of an Addict Part III

A few months ago, my friend Pierina did a couple of guest posts (Part I, Part II) about her Coca-Cola addiction. Although she made some strides in the right direction, she continues to struggle with the caramel demon that Coke is. Here is the latest installation of Confessions of an Addict:

So... yeah, here I am again. Remember that girl who tried to let go of Coca-Cola under any means necessary, regardless of the abstinence syndrome symptoms that would present themselves along the way? Well, that attempt was a bust. I was very antsy and I was finding it hard to not think of Coca-Cola as a remedy. And that's how I learned the key to giving it up: stop thinking about the idea of giving it up, the idea of not drinking it, the idea that you need it to accompany meals, or the idea that you need it to relieve your anxiety, or even your hunger (just saying this makes my mouth water).

So I decided to try it again, but for real this time. Lately, I noticed that I was drinking it out of habit, not out of desire. In fact, there were occasions when I would serve myself a glass and realize that I didn't want anymore after only one sip, or if I served myself a glass with food, I wouldn't finish it.

So anyways, I realized that I had lasted 3 days without drinking it with no problems (I felt accomplished), and I prayed that I would survive the weekend without drinking any (the weekends are tough because you eat out often); and all of a sudden, a co-worker brought me a cold glass of coke, served and everything, on my desk. I wasn't going to refuse her gesture, so I drank it, but I still felt guilty and I didn't really want it.

Let's see how I do next weekend. I'll try my hardest...

"Let's Kill The Sun" Excerpt

Throughout his life, my good friend Angel Palacio has been fascinated with fantasy in literature, film, board games, card games, and even in his own dreams. Last year, he finished his first ever full-length novel, "Let's Kill the Sun." I had the pleasure of editing the novel with him, and it's finally a finished product. Our friend Cristina Mieses was in charge of illustrating Angel's first published work, which comes out in the Dominican Republic this Friday, June 21--this year's summer solstice.

In order to get a small taste of the book, Angel chose an excerpt from Chapter 5 titled Sunburn with a couple of Cristina's illustrations so check it out:
 

“Mathew, your hair!” Marcus said in a small shock.

Mathew’s hands touched his hair lightly. It was somewhat shorter than it had been at the beginning of the evening. Or was he imagining the change?

“It seems darker,” said Ethan. “But it’s probably just the lighting.”

Or lack thereof. So that was what had changed. The soft gleam of the moonlight was long gone. In the midst of the almost-complete darkness, the only things that filled the strange void were themselves and Squall’s now-dimmer glow.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Marcus asked. “What did Aeon say again?”

“Not a thing really, no clues or anything this time around.”

They sat, frustrated, as if floating in the transparent surface that made the ground of that strange place, and dug in the contents of Marcus’s big bag. They each drank half of some bottled water, and an entire package of cookies. Squall limited to roaming about Marcus.

Time began to play tricks on them. But exactly ten seconds before Ethan was about to lose his temper, a strong wind caught them by surprise.

“What was that?” Marcus began since the wind was gone just as it had come.

“It seemed as if—” Ethan began, but the wind returned once more, interrupting his sentence.

That’s when Mathew noticed it in a blur: a strange entity was speeding around them, almost invisible to the unobservant eye. However, it seemed to be slowing down redundantly and slowly.

It appeared at first as a single, elongated entity, but it was actually a humanoid figure trailed by a strain of other small ones. Now that they were slowing down, Mathew noticed that they shone slightly.

Squall began to act crazy. It began to speed on its own, orbiting Marcus to the point where Marcus’s gravity couldn’t get a hold of him. It began to move lightning-fast, zigzagging above their heads, and pursuing the mysterious characters after a few seconds.

“Squall!” Marcus called. But Squall kept speeding behind the reckless entity.

“What is that?” Ethan cried, covering his ears with his hands, for the sound Squall usually made was magnified exponentially. It sounded as though it was about to go supernova.

Mathew noticed it then.

“There’s more of him!” Marcus was ahead of him.

“What?”

“There are many more Squalls!” Marcus reassured.

Mathew saw them just as Squall conquered its self-set task, and in the middle of the haziness, they came to an abrupt halt. He saw a strange boy’s figure accompanied by a large group of tiny balls; they all made the weird characteristic sound Squall usually made. The boy’s face was lit by the shining shimmer of the group of spheres. Squall joined the group at the end. The light the little spheres emanated resembled sunshine; Mathew did not like this at all.
 

 

Marcus sped across the darkness towards the lighting of the balls.

“Stop!” Mathew cried. “You don’t know if we can trust them.”

“But Squall’s there,” he whined.

“Youcantrustme,” the strange boy began. He spoke as fast as he moved.

“What?” asked the three boys in unison.

“You… can,” he began speaking slowly, but picked up the pace of his speech once again. “Trustme.”

Mathew studied the quirky character that stood in front of him. The boy was probably a few years older than them, but his figure seemed a lot more developed than it should. He embodied an athlete. He emanated energy—literally. His hair, clothes, skin, and even his entourage glowed, producing a clear aura of light around him. His hair was as white as it could be; his clothes, a potpourri of silver and gold in a pure white canvas in the shape of a long robe that covered the back of his feet, which were concealed by white, pointy shoes.

In spite of it all, what made him more unique was the way he behaved. He looked as if he was about to have a seizure at any time due to the incredible speed of everything he did.

“Comeoncomeon!” he indicated. “Wouldyouhelpmefindthem? Ihaven’tgotallday.”

Mathew and Ethan followed Marcus, who was already patting and greeting the tiny spheres.

“Help you with what?” Ethan asked. Mathew was surprised that he understood at all.

“Youalreadyfoundher!” he hesitated. “Thanks! Ithoughtyou’dhelpmefindtheothers.”

“Find who?” Ethan continued. Mathew was truly impressed now.

“Eugis!” he said blatantly.

“Eugis?” Mathew inquired. “And who might that be?”

“What?” said the boy.

Mathew began to get annoyed.

“And… who,” he copied. “Mightthatbe?”

“Oh,” the boy said before whistling in command.

Squall came rushing from the back and stopped at their feet.

“Eugis,” he pointed. “Youfoundher.”

“Squall’s a she?!” Marcus exclaimed from the back.

“Squall?” Mathew heard the boy ask, as he trembled and moved about at a million miles per hour.

“Yes, ok,” Mathew ignored this. “Now,” he addressed the boy. “We’re trying to find the sun. Where would we find him?” He hoped that he did not need to repeat the question; he spoke as quickly as he could.

“The sun?” the boy checked.

Mathew nodded.

“IbelieveStellaknows,” he rushed. “Yes, Stellaknows.”

“What?” Mathew asked. He was beginning to get tired of that game.

“I… believe… Stellaknows.”

“Stella? Who’s Stella?”

The boy began to open his mouth, but Mathew thought it best to ask another question.

“Where is Stella?” he rephrased.

“I… can’t… helpyou,” the boy said. “UntilIfindallmydusties.”

“Your what?”

“Dusties,” he said as he pointed at the balls.

 

 
 
 
 
Also, if you're interested in attending, you can find all the details here:
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