A Lifetime of NYC

 

New York City is awesome. It is to me at least. I've been going there once every three months for the last 2+ years, yet it feels like I've spent a large chunk of my life living there. And, in some weird way, I have.

Last August marked my two-year mark being cancer-free, but the confirmation of that freedom was accentuated by Monday's CAT scan which officially cleared me. It felt like a homecoming of sorts. The always-impressive Dr. G greeted me with his usual 'let me soak my hands with Purell before shaking your hand so we can all be squeaky clean' before telling me the good news. He then recapped what I'd been through, and reminded me that, from now on, the chances of getting sick again drop significantly. It was a relief, it always is. Despite the fact that I sometimes feel like that part of my life ended two years ago, I still get anxious to see the results. Even though it's another three years until I'm officially "cured", it feels good to keep surviving every day.

I do miss my badass skinhead look.

 

Another one of the things I love about New York is the fact that you can find pretty much anything there, and that's what I did Wednesday night. I went out to a bar with my friend Xavier where we had previously dominated the ruit table for hours three months ago thanks to our Gettysburg preparation. However, we weren't so lucky this time around. We got knocked out in the first game against a guy who goes there every week (and has done so for the last four years). We took solace in the fact that our late-game baskets burst their over-confidence bubble and made them focus. Nevertheless, we were disappointed. We decided to make the best of the night by walking around for an hour and had a great life talk about girls, job applications, college, job rejections, and food (basically a summary of every 22 year-old guy's life). We even got an early preview of the parade:

 

 

 

 

Xavier expressing his love for multi-racial goldfish.

 

The rest of the week was just as good. Thanksgiving was pretty low-key. Supermarket turkey with family can be just as good, and Friday I got my culture fix with Dvorak's New World Symphony(a masterpiece best known as the soundtrack for Ridley Scott's masterpiece: Bread) played by the New York Philharmonic and they were outstanding. The week in the city was capped off by a classic Saturday night of Mexican food, margarita pitchers, and getting to see other Gburg grads surviving the post-grad life.

The week was an overall win and it was a celebration of what the city has offered me. It reminded me of how our experiences create not only who we are, but also a template for us to go forward with. And just as scary as the uncertainty of the future can be, there is a certain sense of comfort in knowing that one can be living in a brand new canvas the next day.

Kind of like this postmodern rendering of Karl in the city.

Disorganized rant #1

Back in August 2008, when I was about to start my freshmen year of college, there were several events conducted by the school during with the purpose of making the transition progress from life at home to college smoother--aka orientation. Although people have a ton of orientation stories that have nothing to do with the actual orientation because no one remembers most of the activities or talks from orientation, I found some value in orientation. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I don't remember any of the actual orientation either, but there's one particular moment that stands out. During a really long series of speeches given in a cozy room full of freshmen, a woman talked about how the whole point of college was to come out a different person than who they currently were.

We were being challenged to step outside of our comfort zone, join clubs, try new things, hang out with people you wouldn't usually hang out with, play sports, engage in substance abuse, and basically push ourselves in any way we could--or at least that's what I thought at the time. See, I now realize that what she actually meant was not to live through these things, but to live alongside them and see what you can take away from it, and what you can leave back. Your life isn't defined by where you are, who you're with, or even what you do. I think life is more about how you react to certain situations and, to quote a cliche, how to "grow from them". There's a reason why people only really remember certain classes from college, certain people they meet, certain social gatherings, etc. I mean, sure we all love things that give us immediate satisfaction like fireworks, chocolate, or even simple comedy (seeing someone puke, slip in their vomit, pass out, wake up the next morning with half a face of vomit and half a face of black-sharpie penises), but it's still bigger than that.

At the end of the day, everything you do is pretty selfish in one way or another because all you really do is subconsciously use everything and everyone else to become a better version of yourself (hopefully). You doesn't really change your persona during college--you simply become a more defined version of who you are and this is done through choice. I guess my point is that people are more distanced from their surroundings than they think they are. When all is said and done, we're all forming impressions of ourselves in the world, but these impressions are constantly changing. So, in a way, we don't actually ever change.

An Alumni Weekend Worthy of Itself

September 28th-30th marked the first official "reunion" between the 2012 Gettysburg College graduates with each other as well as with past 'Burgians. Despite the fact that graduation day was only four months ago and some of us had seen each other since then, it was great to get that sense of familiarity back, even if only for two plus days.

Although there were plans being made left and right weeks before the weekend even started, the vast number of people and events that was filling up the campus made such plans hard to keep intact. Alumni weekend really begun Thursday night when a few old faces popped around campus, but the swarm of people who relished in the class and madness that Gettysburg brought to their lives came in Friday afternoon. After a Thursday night of some old jokes with friends, Beirut, a touch of energy, and the ever-smoky Mama's, I was ready to really see this historic weekend come into its own throughout the next two days.

Friday was a day of reminiscing and lowering my self-esteem by hearing people's great jobs and busy grad schools just enough to seek out some Gettysburg fun. However, seeing everyone regress to the Gettysburg way(with a bit more maturity and a little less... tolerance for certain things) made me feel a little better about myself. Although the night started in a similar fashion to Thursday night, seeing Garryowen's Irish Pub packed to the point where my friends and I were unable to find a seat to enjoy our pints of classy brews made me realize the importance of the event. Every college has its own identity, and Gettysburg is marked by the loyalty of its past and present students to the local bars, restaurants, town spots, and of course, the college. It really became one of those "appreciate this moment and smell the roses" cliche moment.

Saturday night was a monster of its own. It was a day of recovery through exercise and water, but the night had other plans. Between beers and pizza my friends' house, hanging out at my girlfriend's apartment and preparing for The Attic, the quality conversation-driven host provider social at The Attic with my brothers and friends, the pit stop in the science center to take a piss, the hot and humid basement party, and the late-night blackout party, it was an unbelievable 11 hours that were coasted through with no regrets and nothing but satisfaction.

This trademark Gettysburg weekend will be one to remember even though the post-college reunions have only begun. Nevertheless, it was a chance to remember the opportunity that Gettysburg has created for those alums with jobs and grad school, as well as those of us who have yet to find such luck or even figure out how to move forward from here.

Still Unemployed

So I decided to start a blog to deal with the somewhat mundane and boring life of a post-college lifestyle without a job, but I don't have much to complain about. I haven't exactly been vegetating in my couch for months upon end the way many college graduates do upon entering the ever-dreaded "real world", but I haven't exactly figured out any long term plans yet.

I'm not gonna lie, I had a kick-ass summer. I had an enjoyable part-time job, ate a lot of wings, drank a lot of booze, and basically partied with my Gburg friends on a regular basis. It was sort of like a last hurrah, encapsulating my entire college career in a very brief three-month period of reckless shenanigans. But it was still different.

Although I was still coasting through the carefree rides of a college playground, I was facing a dead end after that. Whereas many of my buddies had a sweet entry-level job, a PhD within sight, or even a year or two of college left, all I had was rejection upon rejection after hundreds of job applications and somewhat ambiguous plans for starting grad school on September 2013. Although I am now pretty much at that stage, with the exception of being around Gettysburg for a little longer and the new GREs under my belt, it all seems like an uphill battle from here on.

To quote a classic cliche, this period of stasis is both a gift and a curse for recent college grads like myself. On the one hand, it feels like this is the only moment in life where I can take a break from literally everything: no school, no work, no Greek life, no stress. My appreciation for life has never been greater than now, with this much freedom, and I doubt it ever will be again. Yet there is still the fear of uncertainty that continues to drag me down and linger on. The same fear of failure that existed when filling out college applications, taking exams and anticipating graduation are still very much alive. Even with this post, the ambiguity that exists within me right now is hard to explain or define, which is why I'll end this on an abrupt note. Until next time, when things are hopefully clearer than now, early September 2012, three and a half months after living my first twenty-one plus years in a world of structure.