Sunday, February 24, 2013

Religion Is Like a Penis...


I first read this quote a couple of years ago and I've always loved it. I'm not one to back down of a conversation involving religion, but I am not big into getting religion forcefed to me. Why am I even talking about this? Well, read on.

I was at a train station yesterday watching an episode of Revenge(judge all you want, it's addicting) on my laptop until someone approached me. I took off my headphones and turned my head to see an older, well-dressed Chinese man from a Baptist Church. The first thing he said to me was "Hi, have you accepted Jesus Christ inside your heart? There is only salvation through Jesus Christ and he cares about you, but first you have to accept him."

He then pulled out a little book titled "Bridge to Life" and asked me to say the following prayer with him:
"Lord Jesus, please come into my life
and be my Savior and Lord.
Please forgive my sins,
and give me the gift of eternal life.".
He explained the importance of the quote and why saying it will cleanse me of all my sins and lead to me a marvelous life from here to eternity. I told him that I'm not much of a religious person and I've been fine without Jesus Christ my entire life, but he wasn't taking no for an answer.

He kept insisting that I say the prayer with him, or at least the "Amen" because it will make me see things I've never seen before (like Jesus in my dreams, who he did see and had a conversation with). "I accepted Jesus into my life nine years ago," continued the man, "and great things have happened ever since. For example, I got a promotion months after my epiphany. How can you explain that? Only Jesus can make that happen. He blessed me and gave me that promotion. Soon after that, I got a job with the government and kept getting promotions. I am now retired and have a nice pension that I'm living off."

I countered with a pretty common question among people who don't follow a higher power: "So what about everyone that has horrible things happen to them like war and disease? Did it happen to them for not believing? Or what about me? I don't believe and I had cancer two and a half years ago, and now I'm cancer-free. And the opposite of that is true as well. There are people who have accepted Jesus and they haven't died of cancer so what difference does it make?"

He said that Jesus saved me because of his mercy, and the others died simply because they were getting to heaven sooner which is counter-intuitive since taking other people to heaven for a lifetime of bliss is an act of mercy, but curing someone else so they can continue living in a world where Satan's temptations are everywhere is also an act of mercy? Can't really be both.

Anyways, he also went on a tangent about how this prayer is the only way to get protection from Satan and his evil ways. He kept insisting that I say the stupid prayer to the point where he was almost physically moving my mouth so I'd make the words. "Just say the words, no big deal." After shutting him down continuously, he eventually got the hint. He left me the little book and told me to read that prayer whenever I'm ready and I will see what Jesus has to offer me.

At the end of the conversation, I liked the man because he seemed genuine and harmless, but I understood what it was like to be an attractive girl at a bar who gets hit on by a very persistent guy who doesn't have a chance. Although I have no problems with his beliefs, the quote I started this post with is something I can't stress enough.

If someone wants to see your religion, share it with them and enjoy. Otherwise, just keep it in your pants.

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